"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

this just in:

Good Afternoon, Please be advised that on Thursday, August 21, 2003, Facilities will be replacing the rooftop air conditioning for the Bio Lab and the Invitro Lab. We will be lowering the temperature in those areas tonight so that we can keep the area comfortable to work in tomorrow.

what this means: as the temperature tomorrow is expected to hit 87°, the temperature in the lab will be about 3° when you come in tomorrow morning, and make its way up to 120° by two pm, at which point you will be able to fry eggs on your computer monitor. prepare wisely and dress in layers. wear that nice parka you got from gramma last winter, when we had three feet of snow. it shouldn't be too difficult to prepare biologic samples with your arms encased in four inches of down. beneath that an irish sweater or two, then a flannel shirt, a tee-shirt, a wife-beater shirt, and finally a string bikini. with a little luck, by the time you get to the bikini stage you might have the opportunity to see a sweaty beer-bellied HVAC worker fall through the ceiling from trying to glimpse your cleavage through the air vents. expect to leave early, as the combination of heat stroke and poorly ventilated chemical fumes should have you passed out by 3 in the afternoon.

guys: the bikini part applies only to the women. any guy caught wearing a speedo will be stuffed into the sharps container with a broom handle.

thank you, and have a pleasant day.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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