"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

1. sincere thanks to all for their comments on my brother.
2. there's still time and room to suggest spring songs, although i strongly suspect this mix will pale in comparison to scott's.
3. i'm frightened that mouse is trying to have another baby - and a test-tube baby at that. i found a canister of powder clearly, nay unabashedly, labeled 'baby formula'! apparently all you have to do these days is add water! with the process made this easy, we'll be seriously overpopulated in no time. (not to mention the strain on my house, wallet, and nerves.) the kicker is this: the label also reads 'now with iron.' that explains why these kids are so damned rough on things: they're made of friggin' metal!
4. an associate recently blew any romantic potential he had with a new girl. while flipping through her photo album, he came across (in his words) 'a severe hotty.' 'wow,' he asked her, 'who is that?'
'that's me. two years ago.'
'damn, you were hot back then.'

can you feel the chill descend?

so i'm going to invent an implant for guys, similar to that antiskip chip in portable cd players. the chip delays the output from reaching the speakers for 20 or 30 seconds, so if the output contains an error, the internal processors can fix it and smooth it over. the implant i want to make will do the same thing for guys, so when a guy says, 'damn, you were hot back then,' it comes out the mouth as 'damn, you've always been beautiful, haven't you?'

i suspect sugarv will be my first customer.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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