"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Sunday, January 16, 2005

the applesauce thief
so i bought a jar of fancy extrafruity applesauce to go with the ill-fated wheatena, and it turned out to be the only edible part of the experiment. i stuck it in the office fridge and forgot about it. a few days later i remembered it, and decided it was applesauce time.

in the past our office has experienced infrequent occasions of food theft, those little "where'd my yogurt go?" moments that depress you more because of what it says about your co-workers than because your yoplait is missing.

but the applesauce was there. i grabbed the jar, returned to my office with a (nonmicrowave-safe) plastic bowl, and sat down to snack. just then angel called, and it was during our conversation that i noticed the jar didn't open easily. when the lid came off with that happy released-vacuum 'pop', i realized that i had just opened a virgin jar of applesauce. it dawned on me what must have happened: someone had helped themselves to my applesauce (for who could resist peach applesauce?) and then replaced it with a new jar!

faith in humanity had been restored. i ate an embarrassing amount of sauce, and returned the jar to the fridge.

a day or so later i was rummaging through the fridge looking for my salsa. i pushed aside a tupperware container, a yogurt, and a jar of raspberry applesauce . . .

raspberry?

oh no.

there was the peach applesauce in the fridge door. someone else's peach applesauce.

i'm a bad person.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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