"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Friday, September 30, 2005

a plea

In May, Dr. Binkenfinger, Director of Application Mismanagement, called me on the phone to request the master copies of the development and testing documents for an application (WinFart 2.1) that his department had recently usurped from mine, just prior to the commencement of the testing phase. I denied, explaining that, while he was now responsible for the continued mismanagement of the application, I was still responsible for the historical documentation of the application, as well as the testing. He asked where the documents were stored. I informed him that they resided in a secure source-code control library, like all good software engineering documents should. He requested that his staff have access to the secure library. It wouldn't be very secure then, would it?, I proffered. And denied his staff access. After a two-week dance 'round the mudberry bush, I agreed to provide copies of the source documents for WinFart 2.1, with the caveat that I would no longer be responsible for maintaining the documents or testing the application.

WinFart 2.1 was never released for production use, and joined the annals of vaporware.

Last night at ten minutes before the quitting whistle, Dr. Binkenfinger called me on the phone to request the master copies of the development and testing documents for WinFart 2.0 (the released version, now in need of modification). The good doctor seemingly had no recollection of our previous go-round on this topic. I could hear him smiling with blithe unconcern for the compliance issues his request implied. There was no hint of awareness that we'd already danced this dance.

Dr. Binkenfinger's plight is all too common in corporate America. Imbecility is no barrier to climbing the corporate ladder, or at least to being pulled up by the hands of cronyism.

That's why I'm asking you to donate generously this day to the Lobotomies for Executives Foundation.

Hundreds of thousands of worthy candidates are - at this very moment - impeding production, setting policies, and electing supreme court justices. Your donations can make possible a simple surgical severance of nerve fibers connecting the frontal lobes to the thalamus, bringing relief beyond measure. Relief to those in the rank and file who suffer silently in cube farms across America; and relief to the incompetent ass-hats making corporate life a living hell for the rest of us.

Don't let Dr. Binkenfinger happen to you, or to someone you love. Give to the Lobotomies for Executives Foundation. The cure is only a scalpel incision away.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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