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"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Thursday, April 06, 2006

i only have eyes for you (but you have to stand really really close)
at my best i can generously be described using phrases such as, "won't scare the children too too badly". at my worst i can paralyze a basilisk. i accepted my fashion-blindness and luke-warm attractiveness eons ago, when the 1980's drew to a close and people could no longer get away with wearing, say, a trash bag and zippers. so my recent optician visit was not for reasons of vanity (gosh, i need new glasses to match my cell phone and belt buckle), but truly the result of suspecting that the cars way up ahead of me wouldn't really be all soft and furry if i ever got close enough to inspect them - they just kinda looked that way, especially at night. mind you, i've worn glasses and/or contacts since, well, before the zippered hefty bags came into style. but i haven't gotten a new prescription in about two years.

i've developed astigmatism (latin for "your eyes are screwy just like jesus's") in which - i think only i could do this - my eyes have focal points in two completey different planes. since i need to see close up and distance fairly regularly, i'm ending up with prospective lenses; this beats getting two different presciption glasses and having to switch them 4874 times a day.

so i picked out frames. they had italian scrawled across the one lens on a removable (i hope) sticker, but i swear i was not going for the name. my selection, having reviewed my insurance benefits, was based on (1) the price tag, (2) the way i thought they looked on me, (3) the price tag, (4) the way the salesclerk thought they looked on me, (5) the price tag, (6) whether i could get a sunglass attachment - i drive into the sun 2 hours a day, and (7) the price tag.

i could've sworn last time i bought glasses, the price tag included the lenses.

things have changed.

my glasses are ready. as soon as i sell my other kidney, i'll go pick them up.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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