"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Monday, January 31, 2005

i could make this prettier to read, but i'm mentally and physically drained. as i told the felon yesterday on the phone, "i'm done."

i've been working two jobs lately, trying to bring the ends a little closer together. owing the ex, my own lawyer, the us doe, et al., it is a constant balancing act to keep roof over head, food under fork, and debt collectors off the line. the cost of oil during these frigid days, combined with an ancient house with ancienter heating, helps not. (it's not my house, so i cannot upgrade the burner.)

so friday afternoon, while i'm taking angel to a doctor's appointment, the felon (angel's 21-year-old son), does the following:

1. takes the license plate off his sister's car
2. puts the plate on the back of my uninsured, noninspected, non-license-plated, not-for-road-use pickup truck
3. steals the truck
4. crashes it into a mercedes-benz
5. runs

cliff notes' version: i file charges. i evict the felon in absentia.

as of tonight, the police are still looking for the felon. the felon keeps calling here collect, trying to convince me to let him back (!), and i'm trying to figure out how i'll pay for the damage to the benz.

wanna trade lives?

update: the felon was arrested last night and charged with unauthorized use of a vehicle and leaving the scene of an accident. he will probably be released this afternoon on his own recognizance.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

boo update.
white noise stunk. starts promisingly but quickly devolves to a been-there-seen-that storyline with a deus ex machina stupid-0 conclusion.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

the applesauce thief
so i bought a jar of fancy extrafruity applesauce to go with the ill-fated wheatena, and it turned out to be the only edible part of the experiment. i stuck it in the office fridge and forgot about it. a few days later i remembered it, and decided it was applesauce time.

in the past our office has experienced infrequent occasions of food theft, those little "where'd my yogurt go?" moments that depress you more because of what it says about your co-workers than because your yoplait is missing.

but the applesauce was there. i grabbed the jar, returned to my office with a (nonmicrowave-safe) plastic bowl, and sat down to snack. just then angel called, and it was during our conversation that i noticed the jar didn't open easily. when the lid came off with that happy released-vacuum 'pop', i realized that i had just opened a virgin jar of applesauce. it dawned on me what must have happened: someone had helped themselves to my applesauce (for who could resist peach applesauce?) and then replaced it with a new jar!

faith in humanity had been restored. i ate an embarrassing amount of sauce, and returned the jar to the fridge.

a day or so later i was rummaging through the fridge looking for my salsa. i pushed aside a tupperware container, a yogurt, and a jar of raspberry applesauce . . .


oh no.

there was the peach applesauce in the fridge door. someone else's peach applesauce.

i'm a bad person.

Monday, January 10, 2005

and how's your day going?
i've been home from work for less than two hours. so far i've had an intruder in the backyard and gotten a piece of ham lodged in my nostril.

In Ye Olde Booke of Annoying Thinges there is an entire page devoted to having ham bitsies lodged in one's nostril.

and i'm still waiting for your scary movie suggestions.

Friday, January 07, 2005


is it me, or are there no horror movies out there that are both original and scary? is it just the fact that i'm getting older and learning that life is more terrifying than anything a screenwriter can throw at me? i've seen a handful of movies lately that are visually stunning: a tale of two sisters, haute tension, the village, the eye, ringu, the grudge. i recommend all of them, but none of these were truly scary. creepy, yes, especially the asian films. but not scary. gingersnaps is one of my favorites for sheer storyline and filmwork, but even it wasn't outstandingly frightening.

so, what cinema have you seen lately (or not so lately) that scared the hell out of ya?

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

that wasn't so bad, was it?
two hours later, the template is reconstructed. now with haloscan.

so say something.

construction ahead
unable to get comments to work, using either enetation or haloscan. time to completely screw up the template, i think.

please keep the laughter to a low snicker. some of us are trying to work.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

looks like enetation has eaten my comments. tomorrow i'll see if haloscan is any better. if you really want to talk to me, it's bmaddock (at) gmail. or face new york and shout really loudly.

i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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