"Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

:malicious user:

Saturday, April 21, 2007

in memoriam

i found this rush song running through my head this week. enough said.

"The Pass"

Proud swagger out of the school yard
Waiting for the world's applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a cause

Static on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can't face life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor's edge
Don't turn your back
And slam the door on me

It's not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It's not as if you're all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done?

-peart
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Sunday, April 08, 2007

so THAT'S what the tag line means
man, i've really got to start checking my own blog more often.

thanks, patricia, miss bliss, and, of course, his drewness, for checking in and commenting.
it's easter, and i'm really starting to feel stuck between generations. i'm living with my parents (the elders, as drew would say) and they are miraculously healthy considering their age. being a holiday, my brothers all called in. they are all in various stages of physical self destruction. no alcoholics, drug addicts, or stuff like that. just physical consequences of lives of strenuous living. my own fragile shell is starting to show signs of wear and tear (nope, nothing wrong here - 10 dollar amazon gift certificate to the first person to understand that cultural reference). and i am having more and more fears about connecting to my kids. my daughter is 12 this year.

12

TWELVE

one more year before she - by law of nature - becomes my nemesis.

how on earth do i protect her, educate her, do everything i can to prevent her world and mine from spinning irrevocably out of orbit and destroying life, the universe, and everything?

of course i can't. i know that. but i am a father. and so i must hope.

and fear.

and be powerless.

and furious.

oh yes, am i furious.
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i used to be disgusted. now i try to be amused.
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